Monday, 29 October 2012

'Bog standard' Willesden Green regeneration acclaimed by William Morris?

In a shock move today Brent Council published in the Brent Magazine Page 13 (unlucky?) that they were abandoning their plans for a Cultural Centre in favour of a Toilet building on a tiny site crammed between the much loved heritage library and five invisible blocks of 92 flats (these cannot be shown for legal reasons). An expert has speculated that the five blocks will also have the visual impression of Toilets, but a different type of toilet you understand. 

The Toilet building will be constructed of very cheap breeze blocks with white painted rendering. The architect has included unadorned bits of brickwork shoved in as a homage to the general brick nature of the buildings that he has noticed in the Willesden High Road. It is understood from a presentation given a few weeks ago that the Architect has been influenced by the well known William Morris of Arts and Crafts fame, but no sign of any willow leaves could be noted in the picture. It is felt that if William Morris were around today he would have abandoned any pretence of following the lines of nature and would be endorsing this exciting and unoriginal crude approach to architecture.

Andy Donald (Director of Regeneration and Major Projects) should have said " Feedback has been diabolical with just about everyone that I have heard from being dead against the project. We have not reported in any way honestly about the consultation exercise because we are embarrassed to admit that we are turning against the wishes of the community in such a grand fashion". Mr Donald has not actually been observed at any consultation meeting that has taken place in recent weeks and has been relying on the bowdlerised (edited)  half page of biased notes produced after each meeting.

A spokesperson for the Community said " It is hoped that Galliford Try will not commence any work on such an appalling scheme at any time in the future"

A spokesperson for Galliford Try omitted to mention the £10,500,000 profit that his company will earn by being donated more than 60% of a Council/Community owned site without having to produce a public building of any sort of real quality in return.

It is hoped that the toilet will have free access at all times, especially for those who feel sick of the sight of it.

Martin R

(with apologies to Private Eye)

Stop Press: Admiralty Arch in Trafalgar Square sold for £60m for hotel scheme! A spokesperson explained " we very much respect and cherish this major part of our British heritage. We are currently in consultation about options for the site. These include lopping off 60% of either the northern or southern end to accommodate the iconic new hotel structure or possibly removing the centre section entirely because it tends to block the traffic flow along the Mall (as seen in the recent Olympics)." The Queen was unavailable for comment.

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